Replaceable

I had a boss once who said "everyone is replaceable".  Yes, makes you all warm and fuzzy inside doesn't it?  He is the same person who asked me to "think outside the box but work inside the box".  Hmm.  So perhaps he was not the greatest boss, but he did have a good point.  One that I was too young and idealistic and self centered to understand.  Everyone is replaceable.  If you can separate your emotions and needs from it, it is true.  The world will not fall apart if I am not doing "that one thing".  Sometimes I forget that, and the Universe has it's way of putting me in my place. 

Friday night I woke in the middle of the night and was sicker than I have been in....maybe in forever, or at least since I went to the hospital for food poisoning back in the early 90's.  After several trips to the loo, I get back to a fitful and feverish sleep thinking "I'll be fine tomorrow".  I woke up and tried to hoist myself out of bed - no luck.  I had to call upon Honey for help, and not just my usual request for help with the morning routine and the kids.  I asked for him to take over while I worked my way to the couch.  Then to get me the phone, my calendar, my files.... so I could call all of my clients and cancel my appointments for the day. 

Once he saw the state I was in, Honey just took over.  He is usually the "on" parent on Saturdays while I work.  He changes sheets, does laundry, takes the kids out to play, pretty much takes care of everything.  But yesterday he went above - he took them grocery shopping, dealt with all the meals and snacks, kept everyone calm and occupied so I could sleep all day, and generally was TAH - The Amazing Honey.  The one time he had to leave to run a quick errand, the kids played doctor, telling me that I had fallen off my bike and hurt my nose and laying bandage upon bandage on my face.  I didn't even need to act in the play - they worked around my inert body.     

Every time I thought I was good to get up, I was quickly reminded by my own body that I was jumping the gun.  I started to think about how when we don't give ourselves a break, sometimes we are forced to do so.  Once I was able to keep my eyes open for more than a few minutes, I laid around and read a book for pleasure.  I looked at a great new magazine that had arrived in the mail.  I watched the kids and Honey play outside.  By the evening, I was able to help a little getting the kids to bed, and I relished reading books with them since I hadn't really gotten to play too much all day.

I certainly don't want to be replaced, but it is a good feeling to know that the world would turn without me. 

Lessons

Sitting outside today at playgroup with some moms from HMN, one commented that sometimes the hardest part is just to get out of their way.  The kids, she meant.  Once they started rolling with their imagination and creativity, there was a house and family on top of the playground collecting sticks, mulch, ice, and who knows what else for their dinner.  A lot of cake making was happening inthe sandbox.  Pushing, pulling, riding, digging, collecting, feeling, talking, directing, negotiating, assisting, all led by them.  I watched in wonder as my lately quiet and shy girl set out the scene and directed the players.  I loved my little one working hard to follow the rules laid out for him a nd trying to pull his weight.  Parenting well seems like less work.  It's allowing them to work it all out and deal with the messiness that is scary I think, so we get too involved and take too much responsibility for what is not our to take.  A lesson that gets repeated whenever we need it so it seems. 

Drama

It's been cool to see how the kids entertain themselves and each other as they get older.  Of course, it is also amazing to do a task from start to finish without anyone asking to help or asking for a snack or crying that they need to go potty or pretty much any interruption at all.  Sometimes I get a little concerned when I haven't seen the kids in a while, but more often I am so please to be completing tasks at what seems like the speed of light. 

It's funny, I've noticed that they don't really play with their toys, they use the objects around them to come up with really imaginative games and scenarios.  I guess that in part is that they don't actually have any toys that do stuff for them - they only have toys that require them to take some kind of action.  It is pretty cool to see all that simple toy stuff working to enhance their creativity.  I'm feeling rather validated :)

They have been spending literally hours lately playing on their own, and I can hear them discussing all kinds of amusing things.  One morning last week, they got dressed up in double layers of dresses (yes - both of them) and decided they were going to a wedding.  They had bags with their things and gifts packed up and created a car to drive in (part of the bed).  They had some time during the wedding to sit and take a break - mom and baby relaxing at the wedding in a comfy easy chair.  While they carried on, I was able to bake a ridiculous amount of muffins, clean up the kitchen, and remain fairly focused on a conference call.  Yeah.  It's pretty incredible. 

Another afternoon was a big dress up and then creating "beds and nests" out of the couch cushions.  The attention to detail in having the covers just right is pretty astounding.  I'm sure there was more to the story - there always seems to be some elaborate back story about why they are dressed a certain way and why the beds are just so... I'm not questioning, just enjoying the imaginations!

What to do with bottle caps...

Why do we even get sucked into buying toys?  Toy manufacturers jobs are to make us parents feel as though our kids need to have this or that so they will be smarter, do more, get ahead...etc.  It's mind boggling.  This time of year, I start to get questions from clients about the best toys for their child for the holidays.  There is inevitably some relative who thinks that the child must have the latest talking robot alphabet learning signing fine motor classical music development toy. 

Day after day, we find that less is more in our house.  Magda Gerber espoused the idea that an active toy makes a passive learner and a passive toy makes an active learner.  So true.  We are a home of non-battery operated things, we have few toys out at once, all the art supplies are accessible to small hands at anytime, and the kids find ways to make complicated games out of the darnedest things.  This morning and last night the big hits were a bunch of bottle caps and sweepers.  Kept them occupied for a looooooong time.  And they were cleaning up!  Of course, dumping the caps back out again to clean them up, but still...

Just my imagination...

As Peanut has gotten older, her dives into dramatic play have become more complicated of course, but lately it seems like a whole new level has been opened up. Pumpkin follows along with whatever game she invents, and now I have two big kids who create their own dramas and can play on their own for decent stretches of time... so you will probably hear more from me since I've suddenly got some free time.

I've been feeling under the weather and this morning the kids were playing downstairs while I sat on the couch. The got a whole bunch of the dolls hooked up in the double stroller and started planning and expedition. They both loaded the stroller with provisions, Peanut talking the whole time about how they would be "super, super hungry" when they got to their destination.

Later in the day, we were playing outdoors (in February without jackets!) and Peanut set up a kitchen in the top part of the playground. She pretended to be "a lady named Elizabeth" and cooked Pumpkin and I turkey, fish and sauce for dinner. The two of them dragged a little table and chairs over to the "house" and set it all up for the meal. I was invited and served - how lovely!

It is so fun to hear her set the scene for me and tell me what part I should play. I just love the leaps of three...