Sunday, January 1, 2012

Fresh Start

I've written resolutions almost every New Year as long as I can remember.  They are often things that I want to change about myself or my lifestyle, and they are often set aside by mid February or so.  Setting a goal to change an inherent part of me, while admirable, seems like a backhanded way of saying "work harder, be better, try to be perfect", which of course is not possible. 

When I worked at gyms for years in college and afterwards, the staff always used to brace themselves for the onslaught in January, knowing that by March they'd all be gone.  We had contests and specials, trying to keep people there and focused on the big picture, but we always lost a bunch after a good solid run.  They just petered out.  So many resolutions, health related or not, are like that.  We approach them with focus and gusto and then wear ourselves out on the idea and give up. 

I'm all for a clean slate and starting fresh in the New Year, but it 's the way that we (or maybe just I) tend to write goals that is sticking in my craw.  I feel like my goals have always reflected my need to climb and scramble to be somehow worthy all these years.  That I and my life are never *enough* and there is always something more to be coveted.  This year, life is different, and the resolutions reflect that.  There is nothing I want or need.  There is nothing I wish to be that is different from right now.  I am grateful and present, and that I will remain that way is my one wish. 

Happy and Healthy New Year to all of us.