My turn to talk

If you know me, you know that I like to talk. I think one of the most difficult transitions for new moms or for moms who move from working to staying at home is the decrease in adult interactions. I have been lucky enough to have a slow transition period - I worked part time from the time Peanut was 4 months old until Pumpkin was born, and had a slow taper in my hours at the end of my pregnancy. I've also been able to make amazing friendships through the Holistic Moms Network, that keep me talking and thinking and learning all the time.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to talk about my passions. Although I am a holistic, green, natural parenting mama, I don't like to push my views on others - if you ask, I'll tell you. If you seem interested, I'll venture there, but the minute there is an inkling of discomfort or resistance, I'll back off. It is a lot of time and energy trying to read people and be PC about so many topics, so when I get the chance to talk, it feels great! That's why my mom's group is so wonderful - I don't spend all that energy trying to be gentle with my views. I can put them out there and people can agree or disagree without hurting or being hurt.

So while the kids were napping (hmmm, one was just "resting") I was interviewed by a columnist for Northern Virginia Magazine. She asked some really interesting questions that made me think about things more deeply than I had in a while. Not only did I have the opportunity to be passionate, no holds barred, but I have been thinking about her questions and having the most interesting dialogue with myself!

We talked about the things that are most important to attain and maintain health as a mom. Of course, if you don't take care of your own mind, body and spirit, how will you have the energy to care for your partner and children? Immediately, I thought of our difficult transition to a family of four, and the change in my attitude being the deciding factor in my own mental health. Once I let things go a little, prioritized and centered myself, the juggling became easier, the guilt lifted, and I was genuinely happy to be home with my kids. Long ago, I would have thought daily exercise, time for myself, meditation, eating well were at the top of the list. That's all definitely still on the list, but the mindset is tops. I may not have the neatest, cleanest house, and I may be wearing the same jeans as yesterday but we are all happy and healthy and having a good time together.

How do I get my information on the cutting edge "green" or "holistic" issues? I pondered that one too. There are some go to spots for news, but more often than not, another parent has been focusing on one aspect of health or parenting or environment, or something and they share what they have found with the group. Then I can go to the links they have posted or websites they site and read and determine for myself what I think or how I interpret the information. Sometimes, one parent will bring something up and another will refute it with other research. It is always interesting, and always new. To me, it just is. I'm honestly surprised when what I know is not common knowledge. I had a whole conversation at Peanut's dance class the other day about lead in artificial Christmas trees and lights and was surprised that this was news to most of the moms there. I think I had learned of this last year or the year before. I just know these things because that's the news I follow. If you are interested in baseball (like Honey) you know the stats, who's injured, what each teams chances are of getting to the world series...you just know. There is filter that jolts your brain when something of importance is on the radio or in the paper. I can be listening to NPR and barely paying attention and Kojo will bring up an environmental study as an example and I'm zeroed in.

I was asked about policy. Gosh, I haven't thought about policy in a long time! In another life, it was all I thought about, but now the day to day is what I'm after. How interesting to consider though what policy should be in order to push the natural or "slow parenting" agenda forward. Again, my personal life took center stage - policies that acknowledge the tremendous importance of parenting and allow families to parent as they see fit, rather than force them to stay home or go back to work based on finances, transportation, day care options, etc. Families should be able to parent in the best way that works for their family and children and be supported in that endeavor. Birth options of course are high on the list too. The idea that we should regulate where and with whom someone gives birth is ludicrous. Birth policy should allow that birth is a natural process that can be peaceful, powerful, intense, and calm all at once. We should not have policies that continue to reinforce the idea that birth is a painful medical procedure. Now that I think about it, some of the regulations on toy production, food labeling, farming, and marketing of pharmaceuticals are probably high on my list of policy issues as well.

One of the most interesting questions was "what do [I] get out of volunteering as a chapter leader for the Holistic Moms Network?" When it began, I was seeking out like minded people with kids that could have a play date with us and not roll their eyes. Remember - we started when it was weird, not cool to be "green". All the moms groups I tried when Peanut was born might as well have met at McDonald's. The talk centered around foreign made plastic toys with batteries that thwart imaginative play, getting on the preschool list by 6 months of age, and the wonderful "deal" on sweatshop produced Walmart clothes that week (it's no deal - we pay for it somewhere). I didn't think I was asking for much - just a few mom's who questioned conventional wisdom. I have come to realize that this community is so much more than that. The information we share, experiences we can relate to, challenges we bring to each others thinking, and support in our varied choices are irreplaceable. For every questioned asked there are several answers. My involvement in this group helps clarify my own path, and validate my life and parenting choices. It feeds a need for me too in that it allows me to be a part of a larger community, to feel like I fit in somewhere in the world, that I have a role to play here. I enjoy the work I do to coordinate the community, and like being able to use my work world skills in my mom world. I feel like all of my degrees and training are being used for a good cause.

I sure hope the column turns out well, but either way, my thoughts have been stirred up by the experience. How enjoyable to think about the day to day in a new way. Thanks for sparking my brain a bit Renee!

Be Careful What You Wish For!

Our new little Pumpkin finally made his appearance into the world yesterday! He was born at 7:50 am, weighed 8 lbs. 8.2 oz. and is 21 inches long. He came in the caul, and so far is a calm, mellow dude.

You may know, that Peanut's birth was a long and arduous journey lasting 90 hours with the last 18 of those hours spent laboring at the hospital. We were planning to have a natural birth and ended up having to choose several interventions along the way due to the time she was taking and how my body was responding. So this time, I did everything I could to make this a different and shorter, calmer, less medical experience.

Well, all of those things worked. A little too well maybe! I woke with pressure waves at about 2am, and started to time them. They were 7-10 minutes apart and I was excited thinking that this may be the day, but I didn't want to get too excited since I know that sometimes they can peter out and you are back to nothing in the morning. I debated waking Honey, and then decided I would - just to let him know what was going on. We both agreed that this was great, but were wary of putting too much stock into it. So I turned on one of my Hypnobirthing scripts on my zune and tried to get some sleep.

About an hour later, I timed a few more waves and they were stronger, but still 5-7 minutes apart. I came downstairs and sent out an email to the team in place to help with Peanut just to let them know what was going on and that we might need them later. I walked around, sat on the ball, had a few more intense surges and came back to bed. I told honey what was up and a short while later we called our doula - around 5. We talked and decided that I was still doing fine on my own and we would call her back if and when we needed her. I went back to bed and listened to some Hypnobabies scripts as well. I was really in the zone and Honey fell back asleep, and when I woke, we both decided that it seemed like the surges were further apart, even though we hadn't yet timed them. We did then start timing them - Surges were now about 4 minutes apart, but I had had a few intense ones, and some that we even closer to 2 minutes apart. I also spoke with a girlfriend on the phone and went through what was going on so far, but I still don't think I fully believed that this baby was really on it's way. We started the process of figuring out where Peanut would go when we went to the hospital. We called our doula back around 6:30am and let her know we needed her. We called the hospital and said we would be coming in this morning. Somewhere around this time, I lost my mucous plug and started to laugh and cry at the same time - we never saw this last time and for me it meant it was really truly going to happen. During this whole time, Peanut was coming in and talking to me so sweetly!

From there on out, it is a little blurry and crazy. As we finished packing our bag and Peanut's bag, the surges were really intense and took all of my concentration to get through them. If I didn't catch them in time to get into a good position, they were really hard, but if I got on top of them I could breathe and relax and let my body do what it needed to do. I kissed Peanut and she and dad went outside to meet her aunt who was taking her for the day. At about the same time, our doula arrived to help. When she walked in, I realized I had been making some really low sounds. Then she started helping me through surges and we both realized that I had three in a row that were two minutes apart. I think I said that these last few felt pushy, and she asked if I thought I could make it to the car. I said I was not sure. She asked how far the hospital was - I said about 30 minutes. I think then I realized this baby was coming SOON. Then my body just started pushing and I felt a baby and told her that - she looked and the amniotic sac was bulging. She ran to the door to tell Honey what was going on and that we needed to call 911. He came back in and held my leg up, while she called our midwives and 911. The emergency operator and our midwife talked our doula through preparing me for birthing, but really, there was no option - my body completely took over. As the doula went to open the door for the emergency personnel, the baby's head emerged. Honey yelled for her and she came back in as the baby's body came out. The water broke and she put sweet little Pumpkin on my chest. I would discover later it was her first time catching a baby in all her years as a doula. The emergency personnel came in and it was completely surreal. Here I had this perfect little creature on me who had just popped out and I was absolutely blissful. The team was wonderful, helping to bundle him up, clamping and cutting the cord, making sure we were both fine and getting us out with some level of modesty (not much though - I arrived at the hospital in a tank top and nothing else).

As we rolled outside, I saw a neighbor and smiled and waved. The EMT's said they had not seen a situation like this where mom was so happy and smiling as they wheeled her out. I was pleased to be the one - we were all fine and everyone was accounted for - what more can I ask? In the ambulance, I nursed Pumpkin and he latched on like a champ. We got to the hospital and we were both checked out. After some discussion with staff, and dealing with "hospital policy", We went home that afternoon and just enjoyed our new addition.

I can't begin to tell you how profoundly this experience has amazed me. I just am in shock and awe and I am so grateful to have this body with it's outstanding abilities. I feel so powerful and capable right now, and I feel so good after birthing this way. The hardest thing these next few weeks will be keeping myself from doing too much.