Zombie

Napping has been the bane of my existence for the past four years.  When Pumpkin was born, Peanut immediately stopped napping.  She stopped being a super easy sleep through the night kind of kid too, but that's neither here nor there.  So I had this brand new baby who screamed a lot, and a two year old who had never screamed a lot who was now pretty much always tired and kind of pissed about her little brother taking up all of the attention.  So all of that nonsense about sleeping when the baby sleeps was out the window since no one slept and if they did it was one or the other.  I think we had a few days where both kids slept at the same time, but nothing spectacular. 

We have gone through lots of ways to try resting - quiet time, me sleeping on the couch while the kids put stickers on me or drew on the wall, me screaming at them to rest then crying about what a terrible parent I was...  We tried family naps where we all lay down together.  Room darkening shades, sound machines... We tried everything.  Every now and again I'd think I had hit upon the answer and we'd have a blissful week or two of glorious resting.  And then boom.  It would be over and it felt worse than before because then I had a taste of the elixir that is naps and me time. 

I have been sleep deprived for years now.  I almost don't know what it feels like to not be tired.  Now, I think the sleep deprivation would not have been so bad and forced me to obsess about naps if Pumpkin had ever slept through the night, but that seemed to be elusive as well - really it still kind of is.  We seem to be making some progress in the overnight department - Pumpkin has been sleeping until 7:30 in the morning instead of his usual 5am or bust.  And more often than not for the past few weeks he has woken up once or less a night which is really amazing. 

But napping.  Oh napping.  I know people with 5 year olds who nap every single day.  I am beyond envious.  These days we have been doing rest time where we all go in our rooms and rest.  Typically this is about 5 minutes before someone comes out of their rooms and starts asking me questions.  Or just making noises.  Or goes to the bathroom and yells for assistance of some kind.  Just enough time for me to begin to drift off and then have all possibilities of actually sleeping dashed in an instant.  Today we even did a guided visualization - which I enjoyed but the kids started playing rabbit hole where they burrow down to the bottom of the bed and pretend to be bunnies.  Sigh. 

Someday, I am told, they will be teenagers and I will struggle to wake them every day.  They will sleep and sleep and sleep and I will be trying not to nag them to get up.  This, my friends, is really hard to believe, but I'm going to bank on finally getting some sleep in about 6 or 7 years...  

What You Really Need

You will note that I have been a tad bit MIA.  I've been feeling the need to get back to writing - it helps me process without burdening other people to hear my same epiphany over and over again.  This afternoon, we had some pretty intense happenings, and so here we go!

Peanut turns six tomorrow.  I know right?  How is that possible? Well, in addition to all of the festivities, we have been prepping for the presents.  We had the kids (Pumpkin turned four last week, so this is a double birthday scene) wish lists on the kitchen board and have been adding and taking things off for a bit now.  We've have several rounds of "let's clean up this room and by the way since you are having a birthday soon maybe we can make some room and give some of this stuff away" which results in maybe a book and stuffed animal each time but never makes anything neater.  Over the past year or so, Peanut's room has gotten more and more cluttered, and she has become more and more reluctant to let go of things.  This is kind of foreign territory - she had previously been really happy to pass her things along to kids who needed them.  So Honey and I have been discussing how to handle all of this wanting and keeping, and we have been doing the best we can, but know that something needs to give.  Over the past week we have each had conversations with her about needing vs. wanting, and how too much stuff can make it hard to focus.  We talked about making her room (and all bedrooms) a toy free zone.  About only having books and making it super calming.  But really, this is a one sided conversation. 

Anyway, she unwrapped lots of fabulous things this weekend, and added them to the melee.  And over the past two days there has been one meltdown after another over really really minuscule things that wouldn't ordinarily make her fuss.  This afternoon, we all went our separate ways to have a rest, and after a bit I came to check out what the kids were up to.  She was crying, and when I went to see what it was all about, the flood gates opened up.  Peanut was distressed and so so sad.  Through her tears, she expressed that she has too much stuff and she got too much more and she is overwhelmed and doesn't know what to play.  And she can't figure out what she should do with some of her presents.  And she wants to give it all away, but she really loves it all and, and, and.  Wow. 

So I sat with her, held her, and reflected back what she said.  I had a feeling we were at the cusp of something huge and I didn't want to interject my opinions here.  She continued to say how sad she was and how there were some things she knew she would never give up like her lovey that she wanted to "keep until she is old even if it is falling apart".  She said that she sees things and loves them and wants them and then when she gets them they just take up space and she doesn't know what to do with them.  She said she wanted to put it all in a bag.  After a while of her processing through her feelings and how her room made her feel frustrated, I offered some thoughts.  We could give things away, return some of her gifts, make her room a no toy space, just clear it out for a bit and see how it feels... She was game to try.  We took all of the toys out of her room and put them behind closed doors.  You could almost feel her relief as I lugged stuff out. 

We even simplified the bed - her big present from us was having her room redone so I have been painting and redecorating for the past month, and the walls are done (blue sky and water) but the bedspread was the exact opposite of the rest of the room (hot pink geometric craziness).  Once we got plain white sheets and a teal blanket on the bed, the room was like a spa comparatively speaking.  Of course, all of her toys were now in my room which had already started to make me twitch. 

We'll go through the toys a few at a time, and give her some time to decompress before we do even that.  I just find this whole thing fascinating - her coming to this place and not only acknowledging it, but articulating her feelings.  I know that I like things to be simple, but I can get easily swayed from that path.  I'm not sure when I learned that you can enjoy things without owning them, but I know that is the next lesson that needs to be explored around here. 

Disintegration of the day

I spent most of the past week visiting a friend and her family up north. She had recently moved from here, and Peanut is great friends with her little boy. So yes, I got on an airplane with a one and three year old, rented a car, and got us there in one piece. It was smooth sailing, and I discovered that you can still rely on the kindness of strangers. I also discovered that rental car companies can be very accommodating (plug for Hertz inserted here). I got upgraded to a minvan, the shuttle bus driver got out and got all of our stuff in for me including Peanut in her stroller, and on the way back they waives my gas fee and drove us to the terminal in our car since we were so late we couldn't wait for the shuttle. Love them!

Once we reached our destination, we had a good time spent exploring and just hanging out, but man did I get spoiled. When two women are in a house, we can tag team a bit. Someone keeps everyone busy while someone else makes lunch. And for me, Pumpkin is so active and mobile that I really need to keep an eye on him at all times, so having another set of eyes was really wonderful. I could relax a little, play a little, and just chill. Not to mention that someone else cooked our meals all week - oh heavenly! Of course, there were still stressful moments and some difficult bedtimes and the kids needed some help negotiating play, but having another mom there helped me to be calmer and more flexible than I may ordinarily have been.

I think this may not have completely hit home until this afternoon though. We arrived home yesterday, and this morning we had our regular HMN playgroup here at the house. It was a busy day with lots of moms and kids so I had plenty of company, extra hands and eyes, and could walk inside to make lunch or go to the bathroom and know my little ones were OK. This afternoon continued to be busy, with some painting, baking, and creating a birthday party with Peanut's girls in the playroom. Pumpkin took his usual minuscule nap, while Peanut was having non of the napping, and of course, everyone continued to become more and more tired and crabby as they day went on. by 4pm, I was totally done. They were at each others throats, intermittently crying and whining, and had eaten their way through a small picnic cooler of food.

In order to keep calm, I tossed them into the stroller and went for a walk. 40 minutes later, I had a better grip even though much of the walk was spent listening to Peanut whine about her shoes or how she wanted a snack or how it was too sunny. Honestly, how many moms have thought what i was thinking - dammit just take an effing nap!!!! I'm glad to report that while I vehemently thought it, those words did not pass my lips. I did however, tell Peanut that starting tomorrow, we were re instituting "quiet time" in her room, no ifs, ands or buts.

I got home and began dinner preparations, so we could eat as soon as Honey came in. I knew the kids were exhausted and wanted to get a meal in them before they passed out. Thank goodness I did that, since they both barely made it past 6:30 before falling asleep. I can't believe that I could hardly survive three hours alone with the kids today. Makes me wish I had some kind of communal housing arrangement really. Well, tomorrow is another day - with Quiet Time.