Fresh Start

I've written resolutions almost every New Year as long as I can remember.  They are often things that I want to change about myself or my lifestyle, and they are often set aside by mid February or so.  Setting a goal to change an inherent part of me, while admirable, seems like a backhanded way of saying "work harder, be better, try to be perfect", which of course is not possible. 

When I worked at gyms for years in college and afterwards, the staff always used to brace themselves for the onslaught in January, knowing that by March they'd all be gone.  We had contests and specials, trying to keep people there and focused on the big picture, but we always lost a bunch after a good solid run.  They just petered out.  So many resolutions, health related or not, are like that.  We approach them with focus and gusto and then wear ourselves out on the idea and give up. 

I'm all for a clean slate and starting fresh in the New Year, but it 's the way that we (or maybe just I) tend to write goals that is sticking in my craw.  I feel like my goals have always reflected my need to climb and scramble to be somehow worthy all these years.  That I and my life are never *enough* and there is always something more to be coveted.  This year, life is different, and the resolutions reflect that.  There is nothing I want or need.  There is nothing I wish to be that is different from right now.  I am grateful and present, and that I will remain that way is my one wish. 

Happy and Healthy New Year to all of us.

2011

A New Year. Time to reflect and recenter. I've been thinking a lot over the past few weeks about the year and the things I've enjoyed and been proud of. I've thought about things I'd rather not remember, and things I hope I don't forget. It has been a year of ups and downs, and while I wouldn't change my life, I certainly have some moments I wish I could take back.

So it's resolution time, right? Not for me. Every year it seems I have a list of things I want to do, change, be, get, improve, focus on, and stop. A nice long list that always makes it impossible to reach any of the goals I set and therefore leaves me feeling like a failure in at least one part of my life. Not this year. I gave myself a gift this year so that I won't be making any resolutions.

I gave myself the gift of acceptance.

I'm accepting myself for who I am and all of the good and not so admirable qualities within me. I'm not trying to change anything or be someone I'm not. I'm just being comfortable being me.

I'm accepting others for who they are, and allowing them to show their true selves without my judgment or trying to change them.

I'm accepting life for what it is this moment. Good, bad, tiring, stressful, overwhelming, joyful, serene, energizing, loving, maddening. Allowing it all to be.

Happy New Year. I hope 2011 holds something wonderful for each of you.

The Clean Slate

I love the New Year. It feels like you can just start it all fresh in one day. People don't expect you to be out and about on New Year's Day since we were all up late last night. You have free reign to wear PJ's all day long if you want to. You can piddle around and clean out the old to bring in the new. For me, that means lists. I love making "to do" lists. Now, that doesn't always mean that everything on them gets done, but the act of writing each thing down and then crossing it off as it is completed is really satisfying for me. I started my lists this morning - all of the things that still need to be done in the upstairs rooms was the first list. I'm happy to say that I have already checked some things off! If you are wondering, the answer is yes - I am the kind of person that will add something to the list that I have already done just to be able to check it off. i did not do that today though - it is all newly listed and newly accomplished New Year tasks!

I also sat down and worked out a budget with Honey. what better time than when all of the big projects are winding down and we are starting to look at how we are going to meet all of our financial goals and still save for future projects knowing that I wont be working (at least for a little while) after May. That was an eye opening exercise! I'm looking at my Starbucks mini-addiction and giving it the heave-ho in the New Year. Five bucks adds up fast when it is all written down.

Last night we tag teamed a party at the neighbors - Peanut had a cold and went to sleep early, so I went over there for a bit, then came home and sent my better half over for a while. We did wind up in the same place at midnight though - have to be with Honey for the smooch! I know I've said it many times, but we really have a great bunch of neighbors. Really hospitable and nice people.

I have learned so much about our homes' sordid past from our neighbors - the stories are really crazy. Apparently, the lady who lived here really liked horses, so her husband decided to get her this huge horse statue for the backyard. They bring it to the house in a truck, feet up ala Bachelor Party, and unload the thing. He and his sons get it all situated, and she come out and starts screaming at them - how could you, what would so and so think...yadda yadda. Now that is a dysfunctional family giving heartfelt gifts. They also used to leave the sprinklers going in the backyard for days on end. I'm sure this helped with the shroom cultivation, but it also flooded the next door neighbors shed. Nice.

So here's to a new year and a new outlook for this house - I know this year will be better for it than the last! We are looking forward to a lot of chaos in 2009 - the antics of our toddler who continues too amaze and surprise us, the ongoing house mayhem and foolishness, the two additional work projects I've taken on for the next few months, and our new addition this summer. I know there is more that we have not yet considered yet as well. May you all have as much or as little chaos in your lives this year as you like!