Once you decide to change one thing, life becomes a slippery slope it seems. Wake up and get out the door by 7, only buys stress and anxiety. Traffic adds to that feeling, and then another hour long trip home with the darkness coming earlier and earlier makes me feel like I am missing it all. I'm trying to make time for fun activities before dinner, with some success, but the two leisurely days I have with the little one each week remind me of what I am missing with the big one.
I'm still trying to get into the groove myself. Deciding what fits and what doesn't, what must and what can't. It's not even close to what I need. Clearly the things that didn't make the cut are the things I need most for my sanity - exercise, blogging, time with friends.
And while school is great for one kid, we are still in a wait and see holding pattern with the other, so that adds to my stress. Did we make the right choice? Is it worth turning it all upside down? Can't I just be with the kids and not rush around making more money so I can spend more money so I can not have time with them, so I can have someone else play with them and teach them all day? Even the questioning becomes a slope to slide right down.
So I'll question and tweak, and make it all work. But I have to tell you that right now I am just plain tired.