Zombie

Napping has been the bane of my existence for the past four years.  When Pumpkin was born, Peanut immediately stopped napping.  She stopped being a super easy sleep through the night kind of kid too, but that's neither here nor there.  So I had this brand new baby who screamed a lot, and a two year old who had never screamed a lot who was now pretty much always tired and kind of pissed about her little brother taking up all of the attention.  So all of that nonsense about sleeping when the baby sleeps was out the window since no one slept and if they did it was one or the other.  I think we had a few days where both kids slept at the same time, but nothing spectacular. 

We have gone through lots of ways to try resting - quiet time, me sleeping on the couch while the kids put stickers on me or drew on the wall, me screaming at them to rest then crying about what a terrible parent I was...  We tried family naps where we all lay down together.  Room darkening shades, sound machines... We tried everything.  Every now and again I'd think I had hit upon the answer and we'd have a blissful week or two of glorious resting.  And then boom.  It would be over and it felt worse than before because then I had a taste of the elixir that is naps and me time. 

I have been sleep deprived for years now.  I almost don't know what it feels like to not be tired.  Now, I think the sleep deprivation would not have been so bad and forced me to obsess about naps if Pumpkin had ever slept through the night, but that seemed to be elusive as well - really it still kind of is.  We seem to be making some progress in the overnight department - Pumpkin has been sleeping until 7:30 in the morning instead of his usual 5am or bust.  And more often than not for the past few weeks he has woken up once or less a night which is really amazing. 

But napping.  Oh napping.  I know people with 5 year olds who nap every single day.  I am beyond envious.  These days we have been doing rest time where we all go in our rooms and rest.  Typically this is about 5 minutes before someone comes out of their rooms and starts asking me questions.  Or just making noises.  Or goes to the bathroom and yells for assistance of some kind.  Just enough time for me to begin to drift off and then have all possibilities of actually sleeping dashed in an instant.  Today we even did a guided visualization - which I enjoyed but the kids started playing rabbit hole where they burrow down to the bottom of the bed and pretend to be bunnies.  Sigh. 

Someday, I am told, they will be teenagers and I will struggle to wake them every day.  They will sleep and sleep and sleep and I will be trying not to nag them to get up.  This, my friends, is really hard to believe, but I'm going to bank on finally getting some sleep in about 6 or 7 years...  

Whhhaaaaatttt????

We've always been pretty straightforward about bodies and the differences between boys and girls around here.  With all the breastfeeding, watching birth videos, and using the "proper" words for parts, we figured getting to the actual "how a baby is made" part would be fairly simple.  So far, we have fielded questions as they come, answering them briefly without going overboard. 

A few weeks ago, Peanut began to ask about how the baby gets in there.  As we answered her questions we realized that she got all the precursors and was just trying to figure out the missing link.  We had seen this book and thought it was well done, so we just started using it as a bedtime story.  It took a few days, but when we did get to the chapter in question, I just read it through without comment.  Peanut looked a bit surprised, but Pumpkin didn't even blink - I don't think he caught it at all. 

We finished the chapter and as we were getting ready for bed, Peanut said "you have to snuggle with me.  I might have some questions."  Yeah - I figured that sweetie :) and had clearly planned to stay while Honey put Pumpkin to bed. 

So she confirmed what she had heard, and then asked a bunch of questions about having your underwear on or off, and whether daddy and I had done that.  Then - and this from a girl who has always wanted nothing more than to care for babies and have her own - she says "I think I might not have a baby."  We giggled like best buddies as we talked about how crazy baby making sounds, but how when you get older it doesn't sound so weird. 

What is so hard about talking about sex with our kids?  I'm sure there are a million questions and a million hurdles we have yet to jump but there are facts and answers and discussions to be had that will help our kids be more comfortable with their bodies and sexuality than we were.  We should share what we know and be honest with them. 

Like Granite

As a mom, you want what is best for your kid.  But what the hell is that really?  Does anyone know?  Is there anyone out there who feels like they always had what was best for them?  I don't think so.  Sometimes, I think we need to be reminded of this.  When parenting is stressful and things aren't going the way you planned, and when you are second guessing yourself at every turn, and when facebook and pinterest make you feel like a totally incompetent boob, I think we need a reminder.

I need a reminder. 

My job is to be their support.  It is to be their rock.  To love them no matter what and show them that I love them no matter what.  It is to put my own stuff aside and foster their own true self.  I look around and every single person I know has some stuff, some baggage, some issues.  It can't be avoided I think.  No matter what we do or don't do, our kids are going to perceive the world in their own way and there will be something that they wrestle with now or later. 

Perfection in parenting is a myth.  Perfection in anything for that matter.  I am good enough.  They are good enough.  We are solid.  And that is the truth.