40

So you may have noticed that it has taken me a week to write about turning 40. It's no accident really, I'm just getting used to the idea. I did a full day at the spa which was truly lovely (thank you Honey) and then had a party thrown for me that night when I was all gussied up (thanks A!). I remember turning 30, and 25 and having big dinner parties at very hip spots, drinking a ton of wine and dancing the night away. This was a little more low key than all that, with some twists - a sushi chef in my kitchen (!) and some fabulous little cakes made to look like sushi made by a friend. I felt like a million bucks, and got to chat a little with people I barely get to finish sentences with on a daily basis. It was really lovely to see people as "friends" and not *just* moms (and dads).

40. Well, I am wise, and have some lines that tell you how much I have laughed and cried. I half joke that I have had nine lives. I can look back over the years and see the many incarnations of myself, or who I would have liked to be or who I thought someone else wanted me to be. At 40, I am me, an unapologetic me, and know enough to know that I have much to learn. There was a time when I really thought I knew it all, and now I know I'll never get there, but I will always try. In some ways I've mellowed with age and in some ways I have become more of a tiger. I can share my ideas and feelings in a way that doesn't (always) completely shut out those who might disagree. At 40, I accept that I look like someones mom, and am proud of that. I feel like I am finally settling into my groove, the real one this time, and it feels really nice.