This morning during Bikram yoga class, I had a little revelation. I was in Savasana or corpse pose, and the instructor started talking about how in the pose the urge is to scratch the itch, wipe the sweat, fix your hair or clothes or mat, and tuck and pull and reorganize, but that you are supposed to just be and rest and allow all of the urges to go unchecked. For whatever reason, at that moment I understood that unconditional love is just that. Accepting all of the things you have an urge to fix, and loving what is instead of what could be with one more little nudge. Cognitively, I knew this already, but today it hit me at a deeper level, and I've been thinking about it all day.
Why do we try to be perfect? Where does the idea come from that it is at all possible? I know I am a perfectionist in some (OK, many) ways, but is it just inherently who I am? Did I learn it somehow? Can I change it? Can I accept myself and love "what is" perfectionism and all? I'm struggling a lot with this lately not just for myself, but for Peanut. She has a tendency to want to "do right" and becomes pretty tiger like when something goes wrong. I wonder if I am helping her become that way. I wonder if she will be 40 before she understands that it is not necessary to be perfect or right all the time. I'm hoping both of my children know unconditional love, and can move beyond perfect to be themselves.