After we put Peanut to bed last night, she was continuing to chat with her "Yittle Girs" as usual. I went up to remind her it was time to rest, and she greeted me sitting up in her bed and happily chirped about what was going on.
She was having a party for her girls, feeding them before they went to sleep. She had laid out spinach, tomatoes, peppers, macaroni and cheese, goat milk, and some cookies and was doling out the vittles. She asked for me to come in and talk about Simone and the Sheep Story -
Simone is a story I made up this winter about a girl going to play in the snow. Peanut loves this story and sometimes will tell parts of it with me or add to it. The Sheep story is basically The Boy Who Cried Wolf. It too gets reinvented at times.
So, I sat on her bed with her to talk, and she continues to chatter on about her party and girls and their sleeping habits and whatnot. After a bit, she says "talk about Simone". So I start the story and just then, Pumpkin starts to cry in the other room. Peanut's expression registers his cry, she glances at me with a fleeting look of alarm as I continue the story with one ear attuned to his room. And then the crux of everything comes out. She says, "Don't worry, I think Daddy will take care of Will".
I hoped that was true, so I could continue my sweet conversation and play with my little girl, but I wasn't sure what Honey was up to. Our time was threatened and we both felt it. It was even painful to say that I had to go check. I was so glad to peek out the door and see that Honey had it under control. The moment was not lost - I could go right back into our special mommy daughter time without a glitch.
Until this moment, I don't think I had realized exactly how different the before and after of a second baby is, nor how difficult it is for all of us. Pumpkin has never known differently - he has always had my divided focus. Peanut has had a complete change in her world. We used to spend all of our time playing these little games and just being together, and now it is a true effort to focus on just one child and give them the time and attention they need and crave. Peanut had always had our complete attention and love, and now my attention is split in an instant. The change in the room when that happens is palpable.
I've been focusing lately on the fact that there is enough love for everyone, and that there is no need to try to take it away from the other in order to get your fair share. We've been talking a lot about how we are a family and we love each other no matter what. It takes an awful lot of doing, but I think we are starting to make some headway here - I'm starting to believe that the things I am saying are actually true, and so is Peanut.