Good Reason

It always seems as though I have such interesting ideas about what I want to write, but never get to the computer in time to get my thoughts down. So frustrating! But really, a clear symptom of scatterbrainess.

I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking lately about simplicity. The more I think about simplifying, the more I realize how complicated I can make things. Or maybe not complicated, but difficult. Or maybe just tedious. And so easily too! I think part of my issue here is that I always thought I could be and do anything I wanted, so I've just taken on everything that has been presented to me. From a pretty young age, I thought "the only way to get it done right is to do it yourself" and have worked pretty hard to get rid of that mindset. But it is still there, no question, hovering in the back of my mind, waiting for an opportunity to say "see! I told you! You should just do it yourself!". I'm also reticent to pay someone to do things that I can do myself, even though there are clearly times when I just can't do something because there aren't enough hours in a day.

So as projects and tasks come up, my automatic response is to take it on as long as it sounds interesting. Simplicity says no. Decide where you want to spend your time, what your passions are, and say no thanks to everything else. This whole thing is making me really think about my trust that others can do things, as well, and maybe even better (gasp!) than me. Of course I know that is true, but still, it's fun to become proficient at something new. It's fun to know a little about a lot. It's fun to have some random skills and talents. It's fun to imagine that I am the worlds greatest (fill in the blank here). It's fun to dream about new ideas and endeavors. But it's true, it is no fun to have a million things to finish, start, or plan and feel overwhelmed by it all.

I think for me, simplifying needs to be more about narrowing my focus. It seems I have spent a lifetime learning to say no, but I still have to learn how to say yes to myself. I have yet to discover how best to honor my passions and talents that really makes me happy, instead of doing things I know I am "good at". I have yet to truly put my needs first as a mom of two and make sure I am taken care of before thinking about the rest of my family. I think I was on a pretty good path and once I had two kids my whole life shifted. Priorities changed, and down the list I slipped. It feels funny to me sometimes to just take time to myself to take a walk. Maybe that is why I am enjoying working so much - it is a "good reason" to walk away and be an adult who is competent at something. I think I have to learn that I am a "good reason" all on my own.