Lessons

Sitting outside today at playgroup with some moms from HMN, one commented that sometimes the hardest part is just to get out of their way.  The kids, she meant.  Once they started rolling with their imagination and creativity, there was a house and family on top of the playground collecting sticks, mulch, ice, and who knows what else for their dinner.  A lot of cake making was happening inthe sandbox.  Pushing, pulling, riding, digging, collecting, feeling, talking, directing, negotiating, assisting, all led by them.  I watched in wonder as my lately quiet and shy girl set out the scene and directed the players.  I loved my little one working hard to follow the rules laid out for him a nd trying to pull his weight.  Parenting well seems like less work.  It's allowing them to work it all out and deal with the messiness that is scary I think, so we get too involved and take too much responsibility for what is not our to take.  A lesson that gets repeated whenever we need it so it seems. 

Fallish

It's fall, which means lots of fall activities around here (and everywhere!).  We went apple picking a while back at Marker-Miller Orchard with some friends and had a great time.  They use integrated pest management which means they do use some pesticides but they make a serious attempt to use every means possible to keep from resorting to them.  





The orchard itself was beautiful, clean, and chill.  They have a market with a bakery and produce area, a wine shop with tastings :) and a big playground by the picnic pavilion.  The big draw is the apple picking, which is the way it ought to be.  We got sucked into trying the big farm carnival for strawberries and it was just not my bag.  There is plenty to do here with the apple picking, wine, market, and playground - we could have stayed longer and probably come another day and the kids would have continued to have a blast.  No need for bouncy things and petting zoos...

The kids were able to play and hang out on the floor next to the tasting bar while we tried something like 25 different fruit wines!  Some were good, some pretty sweet, and some a little odd, but it was a fun time. 

We will be back here next year!

Techie

Somehow, I get this random parenting magazine every month.  It started showing up when Peanut was born, probably tied to a purchase or maybe even the birth record.  I called and cancelled it once long ago, and it stopped coming for a while, but now it is back like a fungus.  Every now and then there is an envelope with a big screaming ad that this COULD BE MY LAST ISSUE!!!!!!   I never believe it, so I don't send a check.  Anyway, it's apparently here to stay, so I read it. 

I'm always really put off or surprised by at least one of the articles, and the advertising, product placement, and just plain nonsense is amazing.  This most recent issue has a whole article about when kids *should* do what kind of technology.  So I'm reading along and they have it broken down by age - I'm feeling good at the mention that after 9 months most if not all of your kids toys should not require batteries.  But of course, the highlight at the bottom basically encourages the opposite.  Then 1-2 years they recommend tinkering with iPhone apps, as well as watching educational TV.  They do add the caveat that the AAP has recommended no screen time for TV until after age 2, but hey, whatever.  By 2-3 years, the article says kids should be using shape sorter apps on the iPhone and electronic toys that teach letters and numbers, 3-4 years basically using your devices as their own, and 4-5 years using the Internet and playing video games. 

I did a serious double take on this one.  My 4 year old should be well versed in application on an iPhone and be able to access the Internet herself to play video games?  For real?  Why the hell would I want her to do that?  I have no question that at some point she will want and need to know how to use technology.  I also have no question that she can easily learn anything.  I didn't have a computer until junior high, and that one was at school.  No email for me until far beyond college.  (Yes, I am old)  I have been fully capable of dealing with and using technology, and if I wanted to I could expand my horizons with a bit of effort. 

My kids love to learn about real things in a real world with real interactions and real experiences.  I like it that way, they like it that way. The technology world can add to that for sure, but there is no chance they are getting their own iPhone anytime soon.  They have plenty of time to get addicted to the net. 

The First Day

The first day, and I know I was more frazzled and wary than she was.  I had been working all weekend on a million forms to fill out, snacks to bake, errands to run, breakfast and lunches to pack... Since this first week is all 1/2 days, Pumpkin and I are finding activities close by school, but that means I'm packing for a full morning for all of us. 

With Peanut, we took it really low key - no photo ops, just some easy conversation about school starting.  We talked about the kids who would be there and some who would not.  We talked about how the teacher she had connected with this summer would be a mentor to the other teachers and she wouldn't see her as much.  We talked driving there, and when I would be picking her up. All was well, and everyone was calm but anticipating the day. 

She slept fine, got up snuggly, and as she got dressed, she got a little apprehensive.  Suddenly, those pants were too small or too big, and she didn't want to wear them, and she didn't want this or that... I could have been annoyed, but I know she was concerned about it all.  So I sat down and held her and talked about how most kids are worried on the first day of school.  Most kids don't know everyone in their class or their teachers.  I reminded her that she knew and liked some of the children, and she knew and really liked some of the teachers.  I reminded her of the farm animals, the dragon tree, the space where all of her extra clothes will be, how she really enjoyed all of the outdoor time, and how she would surely get to use her new raincoat today.  We found a new pair of pants, and she was ready to go. 

She was slow to smile when we walked in, but the text I got in an hour or so said she was happily talking about her new bunk beds at breakfast.  She was happy when I came to pick her up, and had drawn a picture of our playground at home for me.  I heard about the rain, playing outside and getting her crocs all muddy.  Not much, but I know I will hear more tomorrow morning on the way back to school. 

We all crashed hard this afternoon - I even turned on the tube for the kids to veg since everything else seemed to be such hard work.  Remember the last party you went to where you didn't know anyone?  Remember how much work it was to make smalltalk and remember who was who?  It drains you.  Imagine how hard that must be for a little kid.  We forget how much energy it takes to do this school thing, especially for someone who likes to be in comfortable, known situations like Peanut. 

On to the next tomorrow - Pumpkin has his first day too.  I'll stay for a bit, and he will have a shortened day to start getting used to the idea.  I'll have to keep in mind that although I expect he will be fine and jump right in, I'll need to be patient and support him as well.  Having two kids with such different personalities can throw you for a loop sometimes.  We shall see what the morning holds!

Strawberries

last year berry picking

Last year, I went with Peanut and some of her friends to pick strawberries while Pumpkin stayed home with Daddy.  She was surprisingly good at picking the berries and putting them in her basket vs. her mouth, and we got a huge take - enough for plenty of fresh eating, smoothies, and yogurt toppers for quite some time.  The farm was as natural and plain as we could get - a big field of berries and weeds with a little farm stand - that's it.  We picked, we picnicked, we went home.  She still talks (fondly!) about the ants crawling all over her feet when she stepped on the ant hills to pick the biggest berries.  It was totally my speed - just one activity, nice and chill. 

Come on!

This year, we had the opportunity to go with friends to a big, busy farm to pick our berries.  I'm not one to pack a ton of activities into a day - I like to take it easy and focus - but this place had a ton of other stuff to do.  There were animals to see, a big jump pillow, a spot to get lunch, etc., etc., etc..   I figured we'd go and pick some berries and see how we were all feeling about doing anything else.  Well, it was ridiculously hot, there were a ton of school field trips, and we had to wait for almost 45 minutes to get a hayride out to the field.  That's after waiting in line to pay the entrance fee and to buy a few buckets.  Crabbiness set in, Pumpkin started getting clingy, and I thought about turning around and heading home.  Once we got on the wagon though, we had renewed interest in the day.

mmmmmm!

empty bucket, messy face

In the fields, Peanut continued on her previous streak of picking and saving from last year.  She could have filled several huge buckets in no time flat, but me trying to maneuver two kids and many pounds of berries on a hayride was not my goal.   Pumpkin on the other hand would put a few in his bucket and then stand there eating them.  I encouraged Peanut to fill Pumpkins basket too, and soon we were all filled up.  With the heat and the rapid berry picking and eating, we were done with this pretty quickly.  We caught the wagon back, paid for our berries and decided to stick around for lunch.  During lunch the kids climbed up a a little wall to see some emus (maybe?) and ran around a bit in the fields.  My two were winding down, and we bailed before they could get any ideas about the jump pillow or whatever else there is to do out there.  I'm glad too, because the act of getting out of there complete with a diaper change/potty stop along with the several buses of school children almost made me lose my cool.  A sweet mom at the bathroom door reminded me to breathe - thank you mama.  Once in the car and back on the road, our pace went back to normal and we enjoyed the scenic route home. 

It's interesting to me that I have such an aversion to things like this.  The rushed pace rubs off on me - just hearing people hurrying their children along causes me to hurry even though I have no where I need to be.  Dealing with the hayrides causes me to be unfocused, keeping one eye and ear out for the wagon instead of being present in the moment.  I get easily annoyed and overwhelmed by it all, and keeping tabs on both kids in a little craziness never helps.  I think this gives me a little more insight into how Peanut sometimes sees the world.  I can understand how she just has to turn it all off for a while.  I am glad we went though, as I've felt funny not wanting to go somewhere that so many people seem to really love.  I think I will stick with my fields of berries and weeds though.

Continuing to let go

What is it about being a stay at home mom that is so stressful? Today, I was ready for a break before 8am, and my patience was wearing WAY thin by noon. There is really nothing I HAVE to do in a day aside from keeping kids safe and fed, so I can only assume that the stressful part is my own doing. Although I have lowered my standards for what gets done in a day and what kind of mess I am willing to deal with, either the standards still need to get lowered or I need to put my kids to work - or maybe both.

Having only fairly recently been working in a scheduled world with deadlines and responsibilities and paperwork, the switch to full time parenthood has been really daunting. On one hand, we could hang out all day and watch TV. On the other hand, we could explore and do anything we want! I think the hard part is that the parameters are not handed to you as a mom. When you go to work at a job, the rules are set, the expectations are already laid out, there's usually a position description somewhere that spells it all out for you. As a parent, you have to figure it all out yourself. So after some trial and error, you might learn out that unless the kids eat lunch by 11:30, you are in for some serious tantrums the rest of the day. Or if you don't eat any protein for breakfast, you are an irritable weepy mess. Or if nap time goes more than 2 hours, going to bed at a reasonable hour is a pipe dream. The time spent in deciding what your expectations are of your kids and of each other are as well as what the rules are that help you meet those expectations is what makes it a 24/7 gig. With any other job, at the end of the day you can just walk away, which is clearly the biggest difference.

The crazy thing about me being worked up about all this is that we are "slow parenting". We don't have tons of scheduled activities, I am totally unconcerned with "school readiness", we like to go with the flow a bit, and I really like to have at least one day a week that we don't go anywhere at all. I do have pretty high expectations though - I expect that we will eat a home cooked meal as a family almost every night. I expect that we will be social at least a little with friends and other kids. I expect that my kids will be able to run errands with me without melting down, and perhaps actually enjoying themselves. I expect that we will all have clean clothes to wear, unspoiled food to eat, and relatively clean floors to play on. I do like to have a consistent daily routine awake at the same general time, naps around the same time, meals around the same time... So maybe I am not really remotely go with the flow. Maybe I'm just not into structured class activities for the kids, but I am all for structured days. Maybe if I can let some (more) of that go, the days where it seems like we have no plan will get easier...