Selfish

Over the past few months, we've had a lot of discussion and decision making about school. We explored the idea of sending Peanut to public school this fall for kindergarten, and went through all of the orientation and tours, met with some of the staff, and generally obsessed about it for weeks. After much soul searching we came to a decision. Honey and I were sitting on the couch one night watching a movie, and I just said "I just can't do it." and he said "I know." and that was that. We were homeschoolers.

Although we had decided the plan for this year, I still had this nagging in the back of my head. What if she misses out on something I can't provide? What if I'm just being selfish? What if she is left out of neighborhood events? What if, what if, what if.... Now that the school year has begun though, I can safely say that I am completely cool with the decision.

Peanut just started at a farm/Montessori school two mornings a week. So she is in a group of about 10 kids, including her little brother, and I pick her up right after lunch. At the end of the morning, she comes home really needing to have some time alone. She is a little growly for 5 minutes or so and that's when I know she has to go be alone and regroup. She plays with her babies, organizes them and makes beds and houses for them. I hear her in there talking to them, and know that if she were in full day kindergarten with 25 kids in her class, her need for alone time at the end of the day would be astronomical. She would probably also be so overwhelmed with "stuff" by the time she got home that I'd be one of those moms complaining about her 5 year old who just became a teenager.

Yes, I'm over the moon that I have time with my little girl and she is not gone from me every day at school. There is no doubt that I am blessed to have that. But she needs this right now. She is not ready to jump right into a full day of sitting at a desk, listening to a teacher, and dealing with a behavior management program for her very large class. Nor should she be. She is five, and should be playing outside and with her dolls and be learning and curious about everything. I don't want anyone telling her that she can't talk in class. I want her to be exuberant and free. I'm so glad we've made this choice for our family this year. I know we are going to have a really good time.