Tired

Once you decide to change one thing, life becomes a slippery slope it seems.  Wake up and get out the door by 7, only buys stress and anxiety.  Traffic adds to that feeling, and then another hour long trip home with the darkness coming earlier and earlier makes me feel like I am missing it all.  I'm trying to make time for fun activities before dinner, with some success, but the two leisurely days I have with the little one each week remind me of what I am missing with the big one. 

I'm still trying to get into the groove myself.  Deciding what fits and what doesn't, what must and what can't.  It's not even close to what I need.  Clearly the things that didn't make the cut are the things I need most for my sanity - exercise, blogging, time with friends. 

And while school is great for one kid, we are still in a wait and see holding pattern with the other, so that adds to my stress.  Did we make the right choice?  Is it worth turning it all upside down?  Can't I just be with the kids and not rush around making more money so I can spend more money so I can not have time with them, so I can have someone else play with them and teach them all day?  Even the questioning becomes a slope to slide right down. 

So I'll question and tweak, and make it all work.  But I have to tell you that right now I am just plain tired.

Fallish

It's fall, which means lots of fall activities around here (and everywhere!).  We went apple picking a while back at Marker-Miller Orchard with some friends and had a great time.  They use integrated pest management which means they do use some pesticides but they make a serious attempt to use every means possible to keep from resorting to them.  





The orchard itself was beautiful, clean, and chill.  They have a market with a bakery and produce area, a wine shop with tastings :) and a big playground by the picnic pavilion.  The big draw is the apple picking, which is the way it ought to be.  We got sucked into trying the big farm carnival for strawberries and it was just not my bag.  There is plenty to do here with the apple picking, wine, market, and playground - we could have stayed longer and probably come another day and the kids would have continued to have a blast.  No need for bouncy things and petting zoos...

The kids were able to play and hang out on the floor next to the tasting bar while we tried something like 25 different fruit wines!  Some were good, some pretty sweet, and some a little odd, but it was a fun time. 

We will be back here next year!

Just Doing It - The Whole 30

For the past two years or so, our family has eaten some semblance of a primal/paleo/grain free diet.  Sometimes we stick to it and sometimes we don't.  Essentially, we eat what we eat at home and when we are out everyone is free to make choices.  I don't mean to say that we don't have choices at home as well - we do of course.  But I mean that when we are out, each of us is free to choose from the dizzying array of foods that can be found on any menu or at any party.  We often feel quite awful when we choose way out of the box, but still, we choose. 

I've been noticing lately that I am reaching for more sugar and sweetened things as well as more grains when given the opportunity.  I've also not quite yet gotten the hang of menu planning with work and the kids school schedules, and whenever planning drops off, our choices get a little crappy.  Add into that this past week of really tough bedtimes, lots of pee accidents from one little person, and lots of crabbiness from one tired mommy, and the perfect storm is brewing. 

We are embarking on a food journey - The Whole 30 - starting tomorrow.  It's really no different than any of our previous paleo adventures, but the 30 day thing gives me something to wrap my head around. It really couldn't be better timing as we attended three parties this weekend, and the intake of "all things that make me feel bad in general" was quite high. And of course we are headed into the holiday season as evidenced by the Christmas displays that are now taking over the Halloween candy aisles in all of your favorite big box stores. 

So the plan is to use this month to reset our taste buds, reset mindful eating, reset the sugar cravings, and give us a little overall reminder of how seriously food can and does affect us. I'm sure there will be some great side benefits like not feeling like I have to suck in my belly, and maybe better sleep for everyone, but really I am after the emotional side of it this round.  Come and join me!

This Moment - Sunrise

I'm following along with SouleMama - in her words:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

4 going on 14

There is lots of talk in the car on the way to and from school.  So much chatting sometimes that it is really quite amusing to just listen.  If I answer or get involved in the conversation, I often get "I was talking to _____!" clearly telling me to butt out.  The other day, they were discussing the paint colors they had used at school.  Pumpkin said he used "red and jello", and Peanut said she had used "blue and lello".  They began to go back and forth with lello and jello, until Peanut finally said "It's not Jello!  It's Lello!" in a completely exasperated voice.  It was really hard to keep from becoming completely hysterical.  I thought I'd have to intervene as Pumpkin began to cry, but then Peanut says, "Forget it - I'm just doing my own thing" and flips her hair to turn towards her window.  Oy. 

Rock Star

This past weekend, Honey took the kids on some errands while I was at work.  They ended up buying a toy microphone on the fly.  So it plays music, records your voice and plays it back, and will amplify your voice as well.  No biggie right?  Peanut would absolutely not put the thing down for the first 24 hours she owned it.  She took it to the bathroom with her, talking and singing into it all the while.  She brought it outside and did shows on stumps while wearing her butterfly wings.  She walked through the house recording and listening to her own voice.  At first, she did want to be alone or at least not have to see that you were right there while she was talking.  But as the day went on, she became more and more confident, and she was just singing and talking regardless of who was in the room.  My very quiet Peanut would absolutely not shut up.  Why we had not thought of this sooner I have no idea...

Why not make it better?

Somehow, we adults have decided that just because we had to deal with something as a child, it's OK for our children to deal with it too.  It's even expected, a rite of passage, or just the way things are.  So often it's "Yeah well, I had to (fill in the blank) and I turned out fine!".  Lots of people say this about spanking, which I won't go into here - there are plenty of other places to read that spanking does nothing to increase your child's ability to learn anything about right and wrong.  What I am surprised about is all the other stuff we think is fine for them to deal with - "my parents did that to/with me" or we figure "we were just like that" when we were younger.  Or "please, there are worse things!" - of course there are always worse things!  That doesn't mean we should just carry on with the OK stuff. 


Actually, I think we just don't think about it.  There are things that just *are* and we have just been so busy, tired, distracted, clueless, that we aren't paying attention to how silly or harmful these things can be.  And don't get me wrong - there are some personality, developmental, and just plain "there" traits that make up each person.  It would be sad if we were all the same, and of course, everyone should be who they are.  But sometimes, the things that come most naturally to us are things that impede our relationships.  Sometimes the things that are easier are not doing us any favors. 

I can be a perfectionist, passive aggressive, judgemental, sarcastic, and snippy.  I like to have things my way, and I like to be in control.  I'm not a bad person, but there are certainly some things I'd prefer to do differently, and I know that "letting it all hang out" is not going to win me any favors.   I know that as I have grown, and realized how my actions impact other people, I have been able to manage some of these traits better, and find that I am more satisfied with life in general when I do what is harder for me rather than go with my first impulse.  Why wouldn't I help my kids to do the same?  Why would I want them to be controlling just because "oh, that's just like me!"? 

I'm not saying our kids shouldn't have to manage and negotiate their way through life and we should pave the way completely for them. I just think we have an amazing and unique opportunity here.  Based on what we know about ourselves and what we remember from our past, we can help them deal with the world in a different way.  We can help our kids be better at conflict negotiation that we are.  We can show them that what they say and do is important to us, and that they have interesting ideas to share.

Why is this so hard?  I think it is because it forces us to take a good hard look at our own actions, faults and shortcomings.  It makes you dissect your past a bit.  Instead of just feeling crappy about our own stuff, helping your kids through things forces you to face your issues head on and deal with them.  You have to be reflective, and honest, and open, and vulnerable.  You need to identify what works and what is not working in a non-judgemental way, both for yourself and your child.  Maybe you even need to share with your kids how you screwed something up and how you could have done it differently.  No one is perfect, and we needn't expect our children to be, nor should we be stressed about our own imperfections. 

So think about your childhood and the things you wished had been different.  Think of the big things and the little ones.  How would you change them?  What could someone have done for you to make it better, easier, more fun, less scary?  Are there times or people you can remember who did make an impact in a positive way?  What did they do that was special or life changing?  What can you take away from those experiences?  What can you do for your children to make it better? 

Do one thing today.  Why wouldn't you?