Proof that it gets better

A friend with a 4 year old and one on the way recently asked me if it was really hard at the beginning.  As I began to answer, I realized that I was really downplaying the troubles, and when I first started talking, I even said that it wasn't too hard.  Mid sentence, I had waves of memories washing over me, and had to start my answer all over.  It was hard.  So hard that I am just now coming out of the fog, and feeling like I am begining to have some fun again.  So hard that I still cry over the things I said and did in those early days.  So hard that I am amazed we are all intact and loving one another.  So hard that I still have trouble forgiving myself for not having enough love to go around, or enough patience, or enough time, or enough energy, or enough...anything. 
The thing is though, that while I wanted to tell her it would be fine, because it will, I didn't want to gloss over it all.  So I did say what was hard for me that I hadn't expected, and what I think I would have done differently if I could go back.  I wish I'd had more of that, and I wished I'd listened and understood.  I just don't think you can though until you are there.  I had a pretty easy time with just one child - really - it was all roses and rainbows.  Yeah there were hard moments, but overall, I was a competent mom with a great kid, a fun flexible job, some time for myself, and time with my Honey.  Who knew that once we added another bundle in, I'd become so stressed, un-fun, overly emotional, overly protective, and just generally blah?  Some people seamlessly glide into having multiple kids.  Maybe my friend will be one of them - I sure hope so. 

The silver lining here though is that my first response to her was that having a second child was not that hard.  I never thought I'd be in a place where all of the difficulty faded enough to allow me to remember the positives first.  Well, here I am and thank goodness for that.   

Buzzzzzzz

Our sun room will be awesome someday.  Right now, it is a very hot, not at all insect proof mess.  We have all kinds of animals show up in there.  We've had several sparrows, some hummingbirds, lots of bees and wasps, moths of course, a butterfly or two, and plenty of interesting spiders. 
Recently, we have been noticing (how can you miss the really?) cicada killer wasps flying around in there.  I haven't yet found their nest, but there is at least one by our windows every day.  I think they are getting stuck or else they are already on their last legs since it seems that they drop dead within 24-48 hours of being in there. 

This week, there were two or three in the sunroom at once, and it seemed that they were attacking a butterfly that had gotten waylaid as well.  The drama outdoors makes for interesting viewing - thank goodness it has given us something to do when it is super hot in the afternoons! 

A Big Decision

being the "Princess and The Pea"

I'd do anything for this little person. 



So when after a few days of camp at the fabulous nature immersion Reggio Emilia based school I have been lusting after, we realized that she was happy, more excited, more creative and direct at home.  During camp, she was talking more with the people there in four days or so than with some folks she has known for years.  We had to lay it on the table.  This was an excellent match, and soon other things dropped into place to make this an unavoidable truth. 

The kids at camp did a lego project when it was boiling hot outside, and she talked about her creation for a full 4 minutes (it was recorded) while there were a lot of other conversations going on in the room.  There are lots of people who have never heard Peanut talk for this long.  Maybe not even more than one or two words at a time.  This is a big deal.  Then, after Honey dropped her off at camp on Friday, he told me it was "a really cool school!  I'd like to get a tour next time!".  Ummmm.....I have gone twice for an open house and waxed poetic about it.  When I mentioned this and asked him if he thought I was just getting excited about a regular school he said yup.  So - note to self - next time be more forceful with things that are awesome. 



We signed her up for another week of camp, and then sat down to discuss the future.  We talked with Peanut about her playgroup and homeschool preschool group, and how she felt about missing those things if she went to school.  She was fine with it all, and adamant that Pumpkin could do all of those things while she was a school and it would be just fine with her.  Wow.  After lots of pros and cons and questions and answers emailed back and forth from the school, we couldn't deny it.  We needed to send her. 

So life, it is shifting.  With a big change in our daily routine, lots of help and support from Peanut's grandma and goose (great grandma) as well as me adding some more hours at work, we are going to make this work.  How could we not?

Bounty

What happens when zucchini hide...

Our first melon of the season. We've been waiting and hoping to get to it before the squirrels...

It was really good too!

Black eye peas - labor intensive but easy to grow.

My solution to the squirrels that are eating all of our tomatoes before I can pick them.  I'd prefer vine ripened but I will take whatever I can get right now.

Oh Love!

There are so many small moments that I want to remember - I can sort of understand why people do the reality TV thing.  I'd love to have a camera crew around at all times to capture that one small moment that just makes your heart melt, or causes you to burst out laughing, or makes you realize how much your children have grown. 

This weekend, I pulled the little guy into bed with me when he woke up in the wee hours.  He (and his Bitty Baby of course) snuggled in between me and Honey, but he had no intention of going back to sleep.  He started talking, and at some point, he started pointing to my eyes and nose, and labeling everything.  We giggled back and forth for a while about how many eyes or noses we had, and just made goofy faces.  Then he said "I like yours eyes.  I like your nose.  Mama, I like yours everything." and gave me this big floppy grin.  Oh, the love.  Remind me to read this when he is 13...

Superhot

It's icky sticky and hot.  Even at 6am, just laying on the ground doing crunches I have sweat dripping off me.  It's quite gross.

So it seems like the perfect time to cool off in the pool or the sprinkler.  Yeah, well, our pool seems to be a mosquito larvae haven, and after a few days the water just gets nasty anyway.  That will teach me to buy a kiddie pool that is big enough to need a filter.  Peanut loves the big pool, Pumpkin does not.  And we don't have a neighborhood pool, so going in the "big pool" means inviting ourselves over to someones house.  The sprinkler is another story - Pumpkin is completely distressed about the sprinkler and won't go near it even when we are just watering the garden.  Peanut likes the sprinkler, but is pretty choosy.  She is at camp this week, and the kids were running through the sprinkler when I got there to pick her up.  Well, all the kids aside from her that is.  She told me that she "that sprinkler was different and I only like our sprinkler".  So she was pretty hot when I got her in the car.  She decided to ride home naked, and then climb a tree.  Funny way to beat the heat!

The New Babies

Our kids know that stores are places where people buy things, and the know that we are not going to every purchase everything (or anything for that matter) that they are drawn to as we shop.  We've routinely gone out and had folks comment on how amazing it is to see little kids walk past toys and dolls without a tantrum, saying "oh - someone else will buy that". 

So when Peanut discovered the American Girl catalog in the mail, we were a little wary, but not really concerned.  She and Pumpkin thought it was a book about babies for several days, and then someone spilled the beans.  Once she learned it was a store where you could actually see and purchase all of those beautiful girls and babies she was completely smitten.  The two of them spent the next several days discussing which baby they wanted ( they had narrowed it down to the babies rather than the girls - thank goodness since they are like half the price!) and making sure Honey and I were well aware of their wishes. 

At some point, Peanut began a campaign to convince Pumpkin to want a certain doll, clearly since she planned to do a friendly takeover once they got them home.  We were having none of that though, and nipped those discussions in the bud.  We did agree to go over to the store on Saturday to look at the babies, and I thought she would fly she was so excited to hear it. 

Honey and I discussed what we were willing to do, and decide that if each child wanted a baby doll, we would allow it.  I just hate being a lemming, and to me, this seems like a fad that "everyone does" just because.  It's like the Cabbage Patch kids when I was a kid, the Tickle me Elmo nonsense, and whatever other crazy stuff kids "have to have" every Christmas.  But, Peanut was truly excited, as was Pumpkin, and who are we to take that joy away from them?  It's not like we go out and cater to every commercial whim they have.  And babies are the be all end all for my little girl - she could play babies all day long.

So off to the store, and it really couldn't have been any more wonderful.  Peanut had brought one of her other babies, and as she said goodbye to her, she told her "When I come back, I'll bring you a new friend!".  Once in the store, She picked out her baby right away, and was beaming.  I asked Pumpkin if he was interested in one too or if he just wanted his sister to get one.  He clearly wanted his own baby and chose quickly.  We paid, went to dinner, and the kids had the babies out of the boxes in the car.  They snuggled them and played with them all the way home, the whole next morning, and every spare moment since then.  This is the first item that Pumpkin has allowed in his bed as a "lovey", and he cares for his new baby "Tiny" beautifully, changing her diaper, keeping her safe, taking her on walks, and introducing her to friends.  Peanut has named hers Emily Samantha, and has been very focused on her well being.  She has had a birthday, gone to the doctor, and has her own bedtime routines.  All in all, a purchase well worth making.